The Shame of a State

I'm breaking blog silence for one reason, and one reason alone, and that's to set the record straight. Let me go on the record to say that I'm currently laying out a "season" of blog posts which should include at least one post per week starting in late September. This post is not part of that season. You might call it a preseason teaser. I just call it venting.

Before I go much further it would behoof me to mention that I have been a Colts fan long before the Manning Era. Watching the Colts lose basically sums up my childhood. Not so in recent years. There has been a lot of good come from that, but also some bad...allow me to elaborate if I may.

There seems to be a general opinion in the rest of the league that the Colts are nothing without Manning. It would seem that former coach Dungy even shares this view. I would disagree.

There also seems to be an attitude among many - some might call recent - Colts fans that Manning is the singular reason for the Colts success in recent years. Well again, kind sir (or madam), I respectfully, yet heartily, disagree.

Both are similar views held by different people. The league is eager to write the Colts off, while these newby fans are ready to jump ship and root for a different team while Manning sits out. Either way, I think it stinks.

That's probably because, as I write this, the stench of defeat is still fresh in my nostrils following the dejecting loss in our season opener against Houston on September 11, 2011. While the loss was painful, it wasn't entirely unexpected. Yet some people - many fans included - are just a little too quick to assume the worst.

Reading some of the chatter on Facebook during the game, it occurred to me that most people suffer from a condition that I commonly refer to as not knowing what they're talking about. Admittedly, I may be one of those people at any given moment, but since this is my blog I'll proceed with the assumption I'm not one of those people.

Did anyone really expect a new backup quarterback to come in and offer a Manning-like performance? If you were even expecting a win I would like to say you were being a little foolish, but that would just sound rude...but true. Think about this:

1. It's a well-documented fact that the Colt's offense is one of the most complicated offenses in the league. In fact, the whole system is designed around Manning's style of play.
2. The Colts signed their new backup for Manning, Kerry Collins, just a little over two weeks ago. Now, Collins is no Manning...but he is a veteran player who knows how to win games. He took Carolina to the NFC championship, New York Giants to the Super Bowl, and led division rivals Tennessee to a 13-3 season just a few years ago. Having said all that, two weeks isn't nearly enough time to learn all the plays, let alone develop a familiarity with his teammates.
3. The Colts have reduced their playbook by two-thirds to make it easier for Collins to learn the system. So basically, they went into the game with only a third of their plays ready to go. 

When you take all those things into consideration, it seems more realistic to simply hope the Colts come out and show some signs of progress...maybe demonstrate some positive building blocks to set them up for the rest of the season. What we discovered, however, is that the Colts have a LOT of work to do if they're going to have another winning season. Coming into this game, I had assumed most of the work would have been needed in the offense. Having watched the game, however, it seems the offense was the best thing going for the Colts...and it obviously wasn't great. Think about this:

1. Collins connected on more than half his pass attempts, grabbing almost 200 yards, including one TD and no picks. That may not be a pro-bowl performance, but it's not too shabby...especially considering how little time he's had to work with the team. 
2. Fourteen of the thirty-four points for Houston came from Indy fumbles, one of which was caused by a blindside sack on Collins that the offensive line allowed. The other was Collins' fault...chalk it up to new guy jitters. 
3. Pass protection was a major issue...when Collins was getting time, he was completing passes. Even Manning, however, struggles to make passes when the pocket collapses around him.
4. Another seven points were allowed against the Colts on a kick return. Special teams have been a long-time issue for the Colts.
5. Another thirteen points were allowed simply because the Colts couldn't stop the Houston offense in the first half. Stopping the run has plagued the Colts defense for several years, but pass coverage was also a problem in the opener. 

Here's where I'm coming from: Manning or no Manning, I want to see the Colts succeed. So I'm officially pulling for Kerry Collins!

Does that mean I'm turning my back on our beloved quarterback in his greatest hour of need? Of course not! How dare you insinuate such sacrilege! But I want to teach the rest of the league that the Colts are a great football team, even if Manning has to sit out a season. For that to happen, the Colts need to be successful without him. And for the Colts to be successful, that means Collins has to be successful. If Collins succeeds, then the city of Indianapolis succeeds. And if the city of Indianapolis succeeds, then Peyton Manning succeeds. And if Peyton Manning succeeds, then all is right in the world once again. And then maybe...just maybe...the critics will be silenced once and for all.

Now, some will say that my views about Mr. Collins may have been skewed due to some personal conflicts of interest. Did I have a personal encounter with Kerry Collins that may or may not have inspired such sudden fondness? Maybe...more on that later. 

But if I could offer a few positive notes to close:

1. The Colts held the Texans scoreless in the second half, and even posted a touchdown of their own.
2. The Steelers lost to the Ravens today, 35-7, and they were playing with their starting quarterback. 

I knew I'd say too much, but this far exceeded my expectations.

The Fruit of Heaven

Legend tells of an age when mankind was suffering. Their lands were desolate, their stomachs were empty. What little food they found was bitter, like the earth, eaten only for sustenance, no joy was to be had in it. Then God, in the midst of their tribulation, heard their cries for help. He reached down to them and eased their misery with the perfect sandwich, the Philadelphia Cheesesteak from Penn Station. And the people rejoiced.

But then some of them began to grumble. Some cried out for chicken, others for ham. "We want to eat fresh!" they cried in their insolence. And so God afflicted them with Subway. After countless lettuce-filled foot-longs on Italian bread, Penn Station faded from memory. Stories turned to rumors, rumors turned to legend. And some things that should never be forgotten passed from memory. And everyone died.

I just made that up.

But here's a fact: the cheesesteak from Penn is the greatest sandwich on the planet. True story: sometime in the not so distant past, I discovered that you could get an 8" cheesesteak for under $3. The results were almost disastrous. Nevertheless, it remains my favorite sandwich. If there was any possible way to literally live inside food, I would live inside a Philly Cheesesteak from Penn. If I could name my children after a food item, they would be Philly for a girl, and Cheese Steak for a boy. If I were elected the president of health and nutrition for America, I would designate a whole new food group: The Cheesesteak group. It would be the best food group of them all.

I'm still trying to convince my wife, however, that Philadelphia is in Pennsylvania.

I said too much.

I'm Spitting Angry - Or At Least Very Irritated

SERIOUS ALERT: This post is serious. You've been warned.

Before you read this post, stop what you're doing, and read this blog post. If you fail to do so, the following won't make much sense at all... which would make it just another post on a blog founded upon a strong value in all that is nonsense. Regardless, my response to said blog (click link above) is below.

I read McCracken's article several weeks ago, and haven't stopped thinking about it since. It really bothered me, to be honest. The truth is that I agree with him at the root of his argument - if we're only trying to be cool, then we're wasting a lot of time, energy, and money - all of which precious kingdom resources that shouldn't be squandered. But what bothered me was how presumptuous and judgmental his article was. 

In my opinion, the reason why young people leave the church today is because - if they've spent any amount of time in the church - they've likely been exposed to the two-faced, infighting, backstabbing, judgmental legalism that sadly prevails in many of American churches, where we can be more concerned about the color of the carpet or the style of music than about the gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm afraid that McCracken's post only proves that point. 

I would have been fine if he spoke more to the principal. But when he started naming pastors and churches and reducing their ministries to mere "shock tactics" and attempts at being cool, he lost me. 

The truth of the matter is that I don't lead a church in Seattle, or L.A., or Vegas... but God has entrusted that role to guys like Driscol and Wilhite and McManus - all of whom I would first assume are leading their congregations according to the Holy Spirit's prompting... and are doing the best they can to be masters within their context. I love the fact that Mosaic meets in a night club. Can you imagine how many people attend that church who would never step foot in a church otherwise? I honestly believe that's the kind of church Jesus himself would go to... didn't he intentionally spend time among the prostitutes, the tax collectors and the lepers? I love it when I hear of churches incorporating Twitter and text messaging into their worship services... it's the language of the day! To refuse it and look down on it is like trying to spread the gospel in China, but refusing to speak Chinese! 

The reality is that any time we place ourselves in a position of presuming the motives, the heart, and the intent with which another godly man is leading, then we're no better off than the Pharisees... and I believe that's why young people are leaving the church... too many Pharisees. 

In my opinion, McCracken said that we need churches that are real... but he criticized the churches that are doing it.

Feathers May be Ruffled Upon Reading

Okay, I have something to say... and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid to say it. Truth is that what I'm about to share very well may offend some people that I deeply respect - friends, colleagues, and even family members. But this is, after all, an opinion post. Am I not entitled to my opinions? Now that I feel completely justified, here it goes.

I don't like Glen Beck.

It's nothing personal, Glen. I just think you're a little weird. And obnoxious. And maybe a little insane. Incidentally, I don't want to watch your show. Or read your books. But that's just me.

I've said too much.

DISCLAIMER: Off the Record, it's creator, or anyone associated with it, is NOT making a political statement with this post. The opinions expressed in this post are strictly directed toward the television persona of said individual, and in no way reflect a political agenda. At least one person at OtR headquarters may or may not have voted Republican in the 2008 presidential election. Be that as it may, those at OtR firmly believe, and practice, the principles set forth in Romans 13:1-2 and 1 Peter 2:13-14. OtR loves America.

Buttoned On the Hanger, Please

Could I be any more OCD? Probably. With a little intentionality, along with the kind of dedicated hard work this country was founded upon, I'm sure it's possible. Will I make such an effort? Probably not.

But I find myself faced with a little Catch 22, if you will. A "no win," as it were. A real pickle, if you prefer. You know what, just call it whatever you want.

Here's the skinny. I prefer my button down shirts hanging on the hanger with the top button closed. The reasons for this are quite simple - it has to do with the shaping of the shirt as it hangs on the hanger. You see, as it hangs with the top button left open, the collar gets all droopy and misshapen. What's worse, it will likely reamin wide open at the neck and all twisted weird when I wear it. And then all the other pastors in the office will make fun of me. So I prefer the top button closed when it's on the hanger so that the collar will retain its shape, and it will wear more nicely at the office. Having said that, however, my loving and selfless wife, who masterfully does our laundry (more often than not) often leaves my shirts hanging in the closet with the second button closed, but the top button (gasp) open.

But here's the deal. Because my wife works so hard, and I truly appreciate how much she does to keep our house together, I don't say anything to her. After all, I could do my own laundry. But since she's willing to do that for me, I feel like a real jerk critiquing how she does it. I mean, what kind of husband would do that? You'd seriously have to be a real dead-beat to go and instruct your wife on how she should hang your shirts in the closet. Seriously, man.

And yet, my shirts are continually hung improperly. My options: I could lovingly confront the situation - maybe with a flower in hand just to show much I appreciate her efforts, but openly communicating my preferences. I could even offer to hang my own shirts from now on. I could, in fact, just iron the shirts and get over it. Or I could write about it in a blog post, which she'll undoubtedly read at some point. My choice is obvious.

Have I said too much?

Wisconsin's Glory

Wisconsin. Think about it. Let that word just sit on your tongue until you gag a little bit. Was it worth it? Don't get me wrong, Wisconsin is a fine place. So much natural beauty; so much cheese. For many, it's a dream come true. But seriously... what good has ever come from Wisconsin? ... besides my wife (love you, babe)... and her family who still live there... and the cheese. (And yes, I realize the irony of this statement coming from a guy who's lived in Indiana most of his life)

Well, I'll tell you the one good thing: It is the almighty butter burger.

I know what you're thinking: Grilled red meat smothered in butter... sounds real healthy. You're obviously missing the point. To the Cheese Heads' credit, they figured something out here. I'd like to meet the grillmaster Jedi who was sittin' around his dairy farm one evening firing up some flame-broiled goodness and wondered to himself, "I wonder to myself: How can I make these amazing burgers even better? Gee-wiz, why don't I do something useful with all this dairy product!" I wish I was there when, moments later, the first butter burger was slapped on a bun, then glided down into someone's stomach for the first time. Just the thought of it make me wonder if it really happened that way. Probably not.

While I may have been absent for the first butter burger, I do remember my first. And I remember thinking to myself, "Putting butter on a burger sounds kinda gross, but it tastes really good!" And it's the same feeling I get to this day. It never ceases to amaze me how, when biting into a fresh, juicy, greasy, double butter burger with a basket of fries, I can actually hear my arteries starting to clog - and it reminds me that I'm only a bite away from a heart attack. But man are they delicious.

Thank you, Wisconsin. From the bottom of my grease-stained heart, thank you!

Yep. I said too much.

Make My Coffee Instant

Most people come home from their travels with souvenirs. I came home with a new perspective... and souvenirs. But most importantly, perspective is what I brought home from my travels to Serbia this summer - new perspectives on faith, relationships, and coffee.

You see, in Serbia we discovered that filtered coffee makers are somewhat rare. They might even be considered luxury items that most people wouldn't spend their hard-earned money to buy. And I say, "Don't bother!" I literally just said that... in my mind. "Why?" you might ask. Simple: instant coffee.

It is, in all actuality, baby formula for adults. You just scoop in a little magic coffee dust, add hot water, and then stir until all the little coffee pieces supernaturally disappear. And you're left with a cup of coffee... instantly.  And here's the thing... it doesn't taste terrible! In all honestly, I actually quite like it. Let me share just a few reasons why I've made the switch to instant coffee since I returned home from the land of the Serbs.

1. You can still run the water through your coffee pot to make it hot, and then use it to make your coffee... but that's not all.
2. You can use that same hot water to make a cup of regular coffee, decaf coffee, hot tea, hot cider, hot cocoa, or hot water (if you're into drinking just straight up hot water). 
3. You can use whatever water is left over in the pot to water plants... or just recycle it for your coffee the next day!
4. You can adjust the "strength" of the coffee per cup to suite each individual's coffee tastes; more magic coffee dust = stronger coffee.
5. No more having to throw away nasty coffee filters full of wet grounds, which, as is most often the case in our coffee maker, have likely been in there for several days. 
6. It doesn't taste terrible.

Sure, instant coffee may not pack the flavor of a well roasted and freshly ground bag of Maxwell House. But once you experience all that instant coffee can do for you, I think you too will be willing to make a small sacrifice on flavor in exchange for a lot of versatility. And in case you're wondering, we enjoyed Nescafe in Serbia. Unfortunately, the Nescafe here in the states just doesn't taste as good, for some reason. So we prefer Foldgers instant coffee - regular and decaf.

Now I've said too much.

Too Young to Know, Too Old to Change

I have pretty strong opinions about music. So much so that I will often be heard saying, "I don't like that song." Or, "That song was pretty cool." It could, in fact, be the same song. I should also mention that I'm somewhat schizo in my musical intrigues, which is more of a recent development. But occasionally there's a song that comes out of no where and says something or strikes a melodic tone that touches somewhere deep within the fiber of my being. In those moments, I'm swept away in harmonious bliss. Music has that hold on me... and has for a very long time. 

I recently discovered a band that surprised me with such an occasion. It's a song by the band Loney Dear from their album Dear John - and the song is titled Summers. I don't know much about this band. I discovered them while sitting in Starbucks, and had to use my Shazam app to identify it. I'm so glad I did. I doubt my life will ever be the same. One thing's for sure... my iTunes library won't be.

In the opening verse of this song, these lyrics emerge: I'm too young to know, but too old to change. Those lyrics flittered about in my soul like doves bathing in a puddle of angels' tears.  It would be a stretch to say I wept... actually, it would be a blatant lie. But you have to appreciate the ironic dichotomy expressed in that statement: Too young to know... too old to change.

It hits a little close to home for me, I guess. I feel like I'm in that stage of life where I'm still young. I have so much still to learn. And yet, I'm old enough that it's easy to feel a little set in my ways. Like the fact that I'm probably always going to leave the toilet seat up... or throw my jeans on the chair in the corner of my bedroom... or leave home projects only mostly finished... or write my blog while my wife is out with a friend and I should be cleaning up the kitchen. Hey... I'm just too old to change. 

Of course, with the right motivation, anything is possible. 

If you get a chance to listen to this song, I think you should. You may not like it. In fact, chances are you have pretty strong opinions about music, too. But if you listen to this song and you don't like it, then your opinions are dumb. 

I'm sorry... I said too much.

Dunkin' Do-NOT

Even at the writing of this title, I feel a bitter rage welling up within from the depths of my being in the pit of my soul. That's not a happy place. And trust me, this has nothing to do with the fact that I just served a tour of "target practice" duty in Call of Duty - sadly, I was the target that provided the practice for the other three players. But honestly, this has nothing to do with that.

If I could be completely honest with you - and I hope I can be - I will tell you that it has everything to do with the consistently poor service I receive at a certain establishment that prides itself in serving donuts that can and/or should be dunked... dunked in what is irrelevant. I personally don't dunk my donuts in anything. I don't know why anyone would. You only end up with a soggy donut, and a beverage full of floaties. What's the point? For those of you who love to dunk your donuts, they should make a specialty item on the menu. Just throw a donut in the blender with the beverage of your choice: Milk, coffee, Mt. Dew, or whatever. Blend it up, and serve it with an extra wide straw. There you go.

Now back to the point: We have one of these "establishments" just around the corner. My wife and kids love it, and I'd be lying if I said there weren't a time or two when I got suckered into going there completely against my will. And each time has been a disaster for me.

Let me ask you something. You don't need to answer this out loud, as it may startle the person sitting near you. How hard is it to listen to someone and retain what they've communicated to you - very clearly, I might add - long enough to provide the specific items they so eloquently articulated? Did you understand the question?

How hard is it to hear, "Large coffee with caramel and extra cream - no sugar, just the caramel," and then actually produce the item specified? Assuming you're resourced properly, it shouldn't be that hard! On two recent visits to this establishment, however, it proved to be a tall order, indeed.

The first of these visits, upon ordering the large coffee with caramel and cream, the intelligent young man behind the register gave me coffee with just caramel... that was it. No cream, just caramel. The next visit, though the order was the same, this nice fellow - same as before - gave me pumpkin spice. When corrected on our actual order, he simply poured out the erroneous coffee, and without wiping off the cup, refilled it with the correct, however illusive, coffee, caramel and cream. Thus, upon receiving my cup, I then had to wipe off the coffee that was left streaming down its sides.

Perhaps that's acceptable in a place where the defilement of perfectly good coffee by dunking is encouraged. But for this coffee lover, it is not.

I'm afraid that if I go much further, I just might say too much. 

Radar? No.

Look. There's a serious debate that is currently waging in the small, but fiercely devoted, segment of our society who regularly engage in multi-player combat simulation video games. And by "small segment of our society," I mean a vast majority of males between the ages of 6 and 45. The debate is centered around a critical philosophical issue that may, to the untrained observer, seem trite and inconsequential. I can assure you, however, it is anything but.

Imagine you're in the game. Your weapon is at the ready. The landscape resembles something you've seen in a movie like Blackhawk Down, but this time you're controlling the action. You hit the "circle" button to crouch and take cover. You scan the horizon with your head on a swivel. Then, out of no where, you're knifed down by a player you didn't even know was behind you. Shocking? It happens more often than you might think.

Why didn't you know the player was behind you? Simple: The radar was turned off. The truth that may surprise you is that some players actually prefer this... and yes, I'm one of them.

Some players rely on the radar - like a metaphorical crutch - as this allows them to see where every player is on the board. This enables them to approach the action with a sense of knowing and readiness. They lurk around the corner fully aware that you're hiding behind a dumpster on just the other side. The benefit of this injustice is that it speeds up the game, and provides more opportunities for the frenzied exchange of bullets and explosives - thus raising the kill counts well into the double digits (in a 10 minute game).

By turning the radar off, as most purists and skilled players prefer, you level the playing field a little more. With a little stealth and patience, even rookies have a chance against the veteran-psychos, who we'll call "Jared." As you can imagine, however, there's a lot less action, as most of the time is spent with players carefully navigating the map in search of their enemy... and their next kill. Granted - the kills are fewer. But there's also an increase in satisfaction with each one.

Radar on or off? Which side will you take in this heated debate? I don't care.

But I've said too much.