The Splendor That is Chick-fil-a

Once in a gazillion years (according to the Mayan calendar) heaven touches earth - if but only for a brief moment - and leaves us with a flaky residue of its glory. Such is the case with the Chick-fil-a chicken sandwich - and, arguably, the infamous waffle fries, as well.

If you've never had the opportunity to enjoy one of these savory morsels, I would strongly urge you to stop what you're doing (unless, of course, you're in childbirth), and high-tale it to your nearest neighborhood Chick-fil-a. Before you go, however, here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Order extra pickles. You won't be sorry.
2. Say thank you. Hearing them say, "It's my pleasure," is more soothing than you know. 
3. Remove your chicken sandwich from the NASA-designed thermal insulated pouch - designed to keep your sandwich at a mouth-melting temperature for hours - and let cool.  This is where your waffle fries come in handy, as they provide a nice distraction. WARNING: This step is vital to ensure that all functions of the facial area remain in tact.
4. Once your sandwich has cooled to a reasonable temperature... enjoy. 

On a side note, I would argue that reading a blog of any kind during childbirth is not a good idea.

Now I've said too much.

If All Goes According to Plan

I would like to start off by posing a question. In actuality, I just started off by making a statement, which, incidentally, introduced a question. It's a minor technicality, and hardly worth noting... and yet here we are. Nonetheless....

Have you ever found yourself using the same word or phrase repeatedly in a short span of time? If you haven't noticed it, your friends and/or co-workers no doubt have. Just ask them, and they'll tell you. It's probably driving them nuts. In college I once had to give a speech in "Public Speaking" class. They made us video tape it and then watch it in fast-forward to exaggerate our nervous habits. But, sadly, that really doesn't apply here.

Let me tell you something. Last week I couldn't help but use a common phrase over and over again - and even I was starting to go crazy from hearing it. The phrase was simply, "If all goes according to plan." It's harmless, really... no real danger in uttering such words. But after using it darn near a million times, it dawned on me that I was using it far more than any decent person really ought to. And for that I apologize. 

The truth is that last weekend was a big weekend for us. I won't bore you with the details, but it involved my wife leaving town, my kids staying with their grandparents, and me playing some video games. There was also some other stuff going on at church, too, but like I said... I won't bore you with the details. And everything was hinging on the fact that my kids would be with Grandma & Pa... and virtually the only thing that would keep that from happening would be some kind of sickness... of which, our children are frequent harborers. 

It was with this nagging feeling that something would go wrong in the final moments before everything was about to transpire that I would oft remark with this very phrase. I would say, "I'll be there... if all goes according to plan." Or, "It shouldn't be a problem... if all goes according to plan." Or, "If all goes according to plan..." Sigh. I'm doing it again. 

Well, I'm happy to say that everything went according to plan. And I must admit... I love it when a plan comes together. 

And I nearly said too much. 

A Fumbled Curse

Call me startled... and I'll answer with a wide-eyed, teeth-gnashing jolt. Why? Because I've just become aware of something that very well could be (but probably isn't) true... and I'm ready to blow the whistle.

I was locked into a conversation earlier today when I heard an interesting, and seemingly innocent, comment from a respected colleague. My "friend" was relaying the weight of the responsibility his role carries within our church. It was at this point he used an interesting phrase. He said, and I quote, "Lord, I don't want to fumble this."I remember it because it struck me as an interesting choice of vocabulary. Little did I know the ripples that would be set into motion with those careless, and yet somehow deplorable, words.

My "friend," who has openly expressed his longstanding fondness of the "Bears," and is therefore a presumed hater of the "Colts," uttered this very phrase just hours before the "Colts" would narrowly conquer the "Redskins" Sunday night. "So what?" you ask. Well, I'll tell you what: The "Colts" nearly lost that match because they fumbled... [pause for dramatic emphasis] the ball... [additional pause] four times! Intriguing, isn't it?

I'm not saying he tried to curse the "Colts"with his "clever" and "heartfelt" statement... and I'm not saying he didn't.

But I've said too much.

What's Up with Google Reader?

Every once in a while in this journey called life, there comes a discovery that has the power to revolutionize the way you define revolutionary... like Facebook, or Trapper Keepers, for example. Google's free online RSS and Blog "Reader" may not be one of those discoveries... but it's pretty darn close.

First of all, it doesn't matter what anyone is talking about; as soon as they say Google, you generally don't need to go any further. Whatever follows will likely be the next big thing... with one glaring exception. Of course, I'm referring to Google Buzz, which was a day late and a dollar short in the social networking game (in my opinion). And then there was the failed Google Wave, which... I'm not actually even sure what that was or what it did. But it's gone, now, so it doesn't matter.

Those minor missteps aside, Google is doing a pretty awesome job at taking over the world via the internet. Even now, you're reading a blog hosted by Google. You may even be reading this on a mobile device powered by Google's Android, or in Google's Chrome browser. Pretty soon, you'll likely be able to do all this, and much more, with Google TV. Yes, it's happening. And what's more, Google has a vast array of free online apps that could very well change the way you approach following and reading blogs, news headlines, web design, and even desktop productivity. And all of it is freely available to anyone with a Gmail account.

Earlier this week I discovered something that has simply become a "game changer" for me, and I wanted to share this new joy with you. It is, of course, Google Reader. I know this has been around for a while, and you may have been using this little gem for quite some time. For me, however, it was as if the heavens opened up and a loud voice bellowed, "Partake, and find that it is good!" As a chorus of heavenly beings provided the soundtrack, I discovered a single application that can manage all my blogs and news feeds in one place that follows me wherever I go, no matter what computer I'm using.

I don't know about you, but I enjoy reading a variety of blogs. It's like the advice someone once gave me, though I really can't remember what he was talking about... but he said, "Diversify." And I believed him. And it's with that timeless truth in mind that I approach blogging. Some of them are just for fun, while others are professionally & spiritually enriching. In all, I'm currently following eleven... and the list is growing. And following a variety of blogs like that can be challenging. Not all blogs can be followed in your Blogger Dashboard. Most email clients, like Outlook (crap) or Mac Mail (awesome) will also subscribe to RSS feeds, but that means you have to be on that computer to read them in one place. If I'm away from that computer, that means I have to go to each blog individually and sort through what I haven't ready yet. And let's just face it... that's too hard.

Well, for those of you like me who need their world neatly packaged in a simple, yet easily accessible - and if possible touch-screen - world, then Google Reader is the solution for you. The beauty of Google Reader is that it will automatically sync all your blog feeds into one interface. The newest posts appear first, and as you read them they are automatically marked as read; kind of like email. And the best part is, you have access to your Google Reader anywhere you can login to the internet. The other best part is the fact that this is something you already have with your gmail account (assuming you have one). So next time you login into Gmail, check out the links at the top left. Find "Reader" and give it a whirl. Make sure you include this blog in your subscriptions... it's the least you can do.

As I look back over the length of this post, it's becoming all too clear... I've said too much.

My Brief Life In the Navy

Occasionally, life throws a little curve ball at your face - like, for instance, when the other day my wife dropped a glowing ember of knowledge on my lap that rocked me to the core. As I recall, we were perched at one of the many fine dining establishments we frequent - of course, I'm referring to the food court. And as I'm enjoying my Chick-fil-a, the wife of my youth - so alive and so carefree - whimsically reveals her affinity for a man in uniform - specifically, a man in a Navy uniform.

Immediately my mind starts reeling about how I can acquire one of these fancy garments to impress this fine lass sitting across the sticky simulated green marble laminate table. But as far as my finite mind can figure, the only way is to actually join the Navy. Hmmm. 

I did a lot of thinking in those brief moments, and the shocked expression on your face isn't entirely unwarranted. You see, my mind immediately went to the many various - and dare I say sometimes daunting - duties that a life in the Navy would no doubt impose. 

For instance, consider the standard deployments for six months at a time. That's a long time to live on a metal boat as you sail around the world. And all that for a uniform?

But if that wasn't bad enough, now consider the fact that Navy guys have to occasionally fight in wars. That's a big scary deal. And had I joined the Navy and been placed in harms way on the high seas, there's no telling what that might do to me. It's very likely that one day my grandchildren would have looked me, and upon seeing me in my Navy uniform, asked me sincerely, "But Grandpappa, weren't you afraid?"

Of course, I would tell them that fear is a silly beast... a bull that one must simply grab by the horns. And when you've grabbed the bull named "fear" by its ugly death horns, you twist with all your might; you twist that fear bull's head until you hear a loud "SNAP!"

And as you stand over that bull's lifeless body and look into it's blank expression, you declare with a bold swagger, "I'M HAVING FEAR STEAK TONIGHT!"

Well, the important thing to take away from all of this is that there are likely a number of novelty stores where you can find a Navy uniform. That's probably the safest bet for a land-lovin' scalawag like myself.

Wow. I've said too much. 

Radar? No.

Look. There's a serious debate that is currently waging in the small, but fiercely devoted, segment of our society who regularly engage in multi-player combat simulation video games. And by "small segment of our society," I mean a vast majority of males between the ages of 6 and 45. The debate is centered around a critical philosophical issue that may, to the untrained observer, seem trite and inconsequential. I can assure you, however, it is anything but.

Imagine you're in the game. Your weapon is at the ready. The landscape resembles something you've seen in a movie like Blackhawk Down, but this time you're controlling the action. You hit the "circle" button to crouch and take cover. You scan the horizon with your head on a swivel. Then, out of no where, you're knifed down by a player you didn't even know was behind you. Shocking? It happens more often than you might think.

Why didn't you know the player was behind you? Simple: The radar was turned off. The truth that may surprise you is that some players actually prefer this... and yes, I'm one of them.

Some players rely on the radar - like a metaphorical crutch - as this allows them to see where every player is on the board. This enables them to approach the action with a sense of knowing and readiness. They lurk around the corner fully aware that you're hiding behind a dumpster on just the other side. The benefit of this injustice is that it speeds up the game, and provides more opportunities for the frenzied exchange of bullets and explosives - thus raising the kill counts well into the double digits (in a 10 minute game).

By turning the radar off, as most purists and skilled players prefer, you level the playing field a little more. With a little stealth and patience, even rookies have a chance against the veteran-psychos, who we'll call "Jared." As you can imagine, however, there's a lot less action, as most of the time is spent with players carefully navigating the map in search of their enemy... and their next kill. Granted - the kills are fewer. But there's also an increase in satisfaction with each one.

Radar on or off? Which side will you take in this heated debate? I don't care.

But I've said too much.

Therapy

Monday was a Monday. Forgive the redundancy, but it was intended... and much needed. If you don't mind me saying so, it was perhaps even quite clever. But that's another post for another day. Let's just say it was a Monday of Mondays, if you will...

Suffice to say it was a long day. It was, in fact, one of those days that leaves you with the intense desire to enact some kind of violence on your fellow man.

Here's the problem... I'm not really a violent man. The thought of causing anyone real physical, psychological, emotional, or spiritual pain ... well, it pains me. And it so happens that I'm a big fan of the sanctity of human life. I love life... I live for it... it's what gets me out of bed in the morning. So I could never do anything that would jeopardize the lives of those around me.

That's where the Nerf guns and video games come in.

There's really nothing quite like a little multiplayer action with some good friends - or perfect strangers - as you engage in some friendly fire fights. Games like Call of Duty, or Halo provide the fix you need. If you want to go old school, you may try some Golden Eye (affectionately known as Bond on the streets), or Perfect Dark.

Let's say you're too cool for video games (one might call you a jerk). Don't worry about it... there's something for you, too. The fine folks at Nerf have spent years working in conjunction with washed up youth pastors in development of what can only be described as "pick your blown mind up off the floor and place back in your head amazing." I'm referring, of course, to their complete lineup of dart guns. I've long been known for using such "soft" weaponry against my children... and I'm not ashamed.

All I'm saying is that - regardless of which route you take - there's unbelievable and therapeutic satisfaction waiting on the other side.

But I've said too much.