Friday, November 5, 2010

A Lamentation for Krispy Kreme

I long for doughnuts. Yet I find only crap in doughnut's clothing. To whom will I go to satisfy this longing in my soul. The days have turned to night, and the nights have turned to winter, and the winter has turned to wastelands where no one dares to cry. Alas, the tears are all they have left.

The smooth, evenly glazed glory you once displayed so proudly has left only misery in my mouth. There is none who can match your sweetness. "Hot Now!" How now? I see no glowing neon-light-laden visage to guide me. My ways seem lost, and my waist has withered.

When will this nightmare end? I weep and gnash my teeth in vain... nothing will wake me from this horror. I drive by the dwelling that once brought forth such joy. But another has taken your place. Have they forgotten, oh sleeper? Have they forgotten your systematic conveyer of deep-fried splendor? Your rushing falls of glistening glaze? Have they forgotten your majesty?

Oh, Krispy Kreme! Oh, Krispy Kreme! My voice cries out, though no one hears. Alas, they have returned to the south where my wailing cannot be heard. Let the children weep tonight, and mothers curse the moon. Let the dogs lie in the street as their urine fills the gutters. Let the nations close their mouths and spit upon the barren north. The end of this age will only bring respite from the aching in my soul.

If only I'd said this sooner.


  1. Sounds like a couple of guys need to write a song about Krispy Kreme heaven.

  2. so. much. better. then. dunkin. and comparing glazed to glazed- 135 less calories for the Krispie Kremes. "sigh"

  3. If only once more my eyes could witness the unique "stick method" ballet of packaging these fresh, HOT sweet rings of beauty, I do miss my "vitamin O"... Kroger, Scotts, Meijer, Tom's... You will never have my heart..