Monday, January 24, 2011

A Father's Desperate Attempt to Salvage the Innocence of His Children

After forty-six posts, this one dons the distinction of having the longest title. In light of that, I seem to have exhausted what writing skill I had in me, and I'm feeling quite sleepy. I hope you won't be expecting too much from this point. To be painfully truthful, I've given serious thought to just ending with that. However, I know I'd only regret it in the morning. So I'll splash some cold water on my face and keep on, keepin' on.

You may or may not know that I turned thirty-three years of age earlier this month.

Recently I was disturbed by a comment that my eldest daughter made whilst engaging in some cooperative Lego Star Wars. As we were reeking havoc on the "Ewok" level, I felt, being the responsible and loving father that I am, that I should offer a warning upon seeing some storm troopers approaching. What I heard in response shocked me as much as it saddened me. "Do you mean the evil storm troopers, daddy?"

How could I have let this happen? Yes, I completely blame myself for allowing my nine-year-old daughter to grow up in a world of confusion and chaos, where her child-like brain can scarce distinguish between the true storm trooper... and the unfortunate clone trooper, who she has been deceived into thinking is one of the good guys. Curse my negligence and my weak resolve!

I am happy to say, however, that I swiftly took measures into my own hands. I made sure that my children will never again be exposed to the darkness of that despicable thing they called the prequel. Nevermore will that farse of a trilogy lighten the eyes of my offspring. I have made it so.

Just days ago, I walked into a certain used book store in town where I was offered just six measly dollars for the three DVDs that shall not be named... along with some Steven King books. I gladly accepted the offer... and once more made right the universe. Now, when my children ask to watch Star Wars, they will see only the true Star Wars, full of Millennium Falcon shenanigans, and really bad light saber fights (because all the really good Jedi had been killed off in the prequels).

If you're having trouble making the right choice for you and your kids, I urge you to watch this short video. It very well may have saved my family... and my life.

That says it all.

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