For shame! If you've ever been slighted a proper thank you card from me, I would like to take this opportunity to extend my sincerest apologies. It's not at all that I didn't appreciate the gift, or the generous notion behind it. It's just that...well, you see...I'm lazy. And, sadly, I never learned to read. Everything I've told you up to this point is absolutely true (except for the reading part).
Before you go on with your reproach and your furrowed brow of indignation, please take a moment to consider the burden I must carry knowing the hundreds of people I've never thanked in a card. It's always this time of year, after all the Christmas gifts and kind gestures, when the weight of this shortcoming seems most unbearable.
The smiling faces of the people haunt my dreams.
In light of my plight, I'm urging people to consider a new tradition: You're Welcome Cards. Show a little sympathy to the slouches of the world like me, and don't wait for them to send a thank you card (because it probably isn't coming). Just go ahead and let them know you know they're thankful with a heartfelt You're Welcome Card.
"You're welcome for the wonderful gifts we gave you. God bless!"
"I can't imagine how much our gift must have meant to you. You're welcome."
"We always know the right things to give you. We're wonderful friends, we know. You're welcome, and we love you too."
"Though we didn't give you anything, we felt your gratitude for our presence at the Christmas party. You're so very welcome."
"While we don't think very highly of you, it shouldn't stop you from knowing that, in spite of our differences, you're welcome."
"Mom, it was I who used the last k-cup and 'accidentally' killed your cat. You're welcome."
The important thing here is to let people know how much you care, by letting them off the hook. Now stop reading this blog...I think you have some cards to send!
Of course, I've said too much.
...and you're welcome.