Baby, It's Cold Outside

'Tis the season to drink eggnog, cut down pine saplings, curse shopping traffic, and - wait for it - listen to Christmas music! Look - I enjoy seasonal songs as much as the next guy... maybe even more. That's why I have a playlist in my iTunes library that is clearly labeled "Christmas Songs." I must confess, however, that many of these songs - some of my favorites, I'm afraid - reflect more of the consumerism side of Christmas. These are, after all, some of our most beloved strains. I'm sure you would maybe agree. Sadly, many of these famous Christmas songs, or so they have been called, are really just blemishes on the face of our revered holiday.

Before I go any further, you need to understand that what I'm about to share may change the way you listen to Christmas music. It could, in fact, turn your entire world upside down, leaving you void of Christmas cheer for generations to come. And so I offer this warning: If you enjoy the assumption that all holiday tunes are jolly, and also morally appropriate, then read no more. If you're in the habit of belting out every Christmas song that comes across the radio, then close your browser and sing on with ignorant bliss.

If you're still reading, however, do so with preparation to be shaken with a dose of reality as I expose some of the deep, subliminal messages that have been encoded within some of our most cherished holiday carols.

I give you, "Baby It's Cold Outside." It's charming presentation of a sing-song dialogue between a man and woman has captured many of us during these yuletide days of holiday nostalgia. Written by Frank Loesser in 1944, it has been recorded by the likes of Sammy Davis Jr., Mae West, Dean Martin, Jessica Simpson and Lady Antebellum, among many others. For years, I've sung this winsome tune at Christmas time without a care in the world. It wasn't until recently that I actually stopped to consider what this song is actually insinuating.

Listen carefully to the exchange as this young, innocent - and presumably attractive - woman who is simply trying to get home, where her worried mother, angry father, and suspicious sister are anxiously awaiting her return. But NO! This man, so called, is relentlessly trying to coerce her into - children, stop reading - STAYING ALL NIGHT! I'm quite certain his intentions are less than noble.

If you're still doubting this summation, I invite my more mature readers to consider these lyrics:

Woman: But maybe just a half a drink more
Man: Put some records on while I pour
Woman: Say, what's in this drink?
Woman: I ought to say, "No, no, no sir!"
Man: Mind if I move in closer
Woman: At least I'm gonna say that I tried
Man: What's the sense in hurting my pride
Woman: I really can't stay
Man: Oh, baby don't hold out

Appalling, I know. I can only hope that our children's children don't grow up listening to this kind of rubbish in the name of holiday cheer.

And now I've said too much.