Thursday, December 16, 2010

Santa Baby

Remember the days when you and your family would just spontaneously break into song? When adults and children alike could whimsically sing a cheery ditty about Christmas without a care? This, of course, was quite acceptable because - hey! - Christmas songs are, by very nature of the holiday they honor, appropriate for all ages. Sadly, far too many God-fearing Christian folk are stupid to the reality of the putrid filth that has infiltrated our adored holiday through the carols we sing. And I was one of them... that is, until recently.

My last post exposed one such song that is so riddled with carnal atrocities, that I shutter in retrospect - that very well may simply mean I should turn on the heat. Nevertheless, I'm back to reveal another such song that has put an acne scar on the face of Christmas: Santa Baby.

Don't be fooled by the fact that this song has "baby" in the title - it is anything but cute and innocent. On the contrary - it is quite the opposite of cute and innocent.

This song uses a subtle, but effective, strategy for lowering our sensitivity to its controversial lyrical content - it is almost always performed by a pouty, attractive woman. Or sirens, I should say! And we, the sailors led to our watery deaths under their captivating spell!

I digress.

As I was saying... the song is often sung by alluring women, such as Shakira, Madonna, Taylor Swift and Natalie Merchant. And they sing with such child-like expression, it comes across as almost cute and harmless. And so we often miss the deeply-seeded message of materialism and greed that saturates this song.

Consider the items the singer of this song has on her Christmas list:
  1. A Sable, which she later specifies as a convertible. 
  2. A yacht.
  3. The deed to a platinum mine.
  4. A duplex (and checks).
  5. A ring (presumably bought at Tiffany). 
Commercialism. Greed. An "It's-all-about-me" attitude. This is what Christmas would be about if this song had it's way. With such desecration to our esteemed holiday, is it any wonder that Eartha Kitt - the original performer of this song - died on Christmas day?

I've said too much.


  1. Erin Glassley is about to go ON the record as saying I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE this song. It quite literally makes my ears bleed. This and ANYTHING yuletideish by Mariah Carey. Just threw up in my mouth.

  2. Next up, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.
    Filth unimaginable.

  3. "And we, the sailors..." really funny.