Concerning Hamsters and Humans

Big day here at Off the Record. First of all, this is shaping up to be the last post of 2010, barring any miraculous back-to-back posts that could surface between now and the first. But let's face it - we both know that hasn't happened since early November, and it's not likely going to happen in the next two days.

Be that as it may, it's also been a SICK DAY here at OTR headquarters. My son started evacuating the contents of his stomach last night - my wife followed suit just hours later. So, I took the day off to stay at home and take care of the kids (read: video games and blogging) so my wife could get some rest and recover. As you can see, it has been a big, fat, hairy day, indeed... but I haven't even mentioned the most obvious of noteworthy events: The redesign of OTR. That's right - while you were off traipsing around during the holidays, reading everyone else's blog, OTR got a brand new look to usher in a brand new year. I trust you'll take sufficient time to bask in its awesomeness.

Now on to the subject matter at hand - hamsters. Have you ever had a hamster? I pray you haven't. Though, I must admit, they are a brilliant example of what masterful marketing can achieve. What's one thing the world has too much of? Mice. What do you do with all those pesky rodents? Well, you can trap them and kill them - but that can get pretty stinky. So why not change their names to hamsters, and SELL them to people? And who knew it would work. Sadly, I'm living proof.

My eldest daughter decided that for her ninth birthday, she wanted a fluffy rodent to call her own. Her request was so profound in presentation that my wife and I conceded. Shortly after, our home became infested with Butter Cup, the fluffy pet hamster. That was almost two months ago. In that time, I've made some observations that very well could shock the animal kingdom. I'm currently expecting a call from Jack Hanna.

In my research, I've discovered that hamster are, in fact, not unlike humans in the baby and toddler stages of development. In fact, their similarities are uncanny. Do you scoff at my submission? I expect no less from the average civilian. Before you dismiss me as a kook, however, consider these observations:

1. Both hamsters and babies are known to poop quite often, and one can often find traces of excrement from both species wherever they may have been.
2. Anyone who's spent any amount of time with either subject knows that both are fond of storing things - food, toys, excrement - in their mouths.
3. Babies and hamsters are notorious for making lots of noise, which is complicated by the next fact.
4. Hamsters, as well as many babies, are nocturnal. 
5. The average observer would do well to note that both species are quite fast crawlers, which they both will make use of to avoid capture. 
6. Both subjects are quite fond of burrowing, and will occasionally wallow in their own filth.
7. Babies and hamsters are also known to bite from time to time. 

Well, as you can see, babies and hamsters have more in common than you might have guessed - or would like to admit. But the facts are staring you in the face... there's no more denying it. At the risk of being abrupt, however, I need to end this post...

... before I say too much.