My Brief Life In the Navy

Occasionally, life throws a little curve ball at your face - like, for instance, when the other day my wife dropped a glowing ember of knowledge on my lap that rocked me to the core. As I recall, we were perched at one of the many fine dining establishments we frequent - of course, I'm referring to the food court. And as I'm enjoying my Chick-fil-a, the wife of my youth - so alive and so carefree - whimsically reveals her affinity for a man in uniform - specifically, a man in a Navy uniform.

Immediately my mind starts reeling about how I can acquire one of these fancy garments to impress this fine lass sitting across the sticky simulated green marble laminate table. But as far as my finite mind can figure, the only way is to actually join the Navy. Hmmm. 

I did a lot of thinking in those brief moments, and the shocked expression on your face isn't entirely unwarranted. You see, my mind immediately went to the many various - and dare I say sometimes daunting - duties that a life in the Navy would no doubt impose. 

For instance, consider the standard deployments for six months at a time. That's a long time to live on a metal boat as you sail around the world. And all that for a uniform?

But if that wasn't bad enough, now consider the fact that Navy guys have to occasionally fight in wars. That's a big scary deal. And had I joined the Navy and been placed in harms way on the high seas, there's no telling what that might do to me. It's very likely that one day my grandchildren would have looked me, and upon seeing me in my Navy uniform, asked me sincerely, "But Grandpappa, weren't you afraid?"

Of course, I would tell them that fear is a silly beast... a bull that one must simply grab by the horns. And when you've grabbed the bull named "fear" by its ugly death horns, you twist with all your might; you twist that fear bull's head until you hear a loud "SNAP!"

And as you stand over that bull's lifeless body and look into it's blank expression, you declare with a bold swagger, "I'M HAVING FEAR STEAK TONIGHT!"

Well, the important thing to take away from all of this is that there are likely a number of novelty stores where you can find a Navy uniform. That's probably the safest bet for a land-lovin' scalawag like myself.

Wow. I've said too much.